FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
