he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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