I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
