i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
