just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize