I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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