i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
