I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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