Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
