well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
