Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
