I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
