omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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