One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
