Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
