he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
