my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Your cock deserves a montage
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
