If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
