we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
