dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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