I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
