she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
