I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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