Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
