If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
