I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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