Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
