I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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