i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
