i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
