I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
