New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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