My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
