If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
