I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
