but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
