he wants to bone in the snuggie
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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