just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
