I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
