This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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