I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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