just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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