chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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