When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
