Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
