He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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