I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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