I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
