We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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