we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
