Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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