I'm eating all of the evidence.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
