I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
