I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
