That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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