Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
