do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
