May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
