On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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