toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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