he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
