i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
