Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
