When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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