I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
