On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
