You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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