Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
