I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
