ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
