I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
