I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
