We won't sleep together?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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