Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
