I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
