you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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