Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
